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Title: The Only Cure
Pairing: Ohno/Nino
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, romance.
Word Count: 7100~ (whoa!)
Disclaimer: Just fiction!
Summary: Ohno feels old and worn out. Nino’s feeling just worse. But going out of their way for once might grant them a priceless reward.


Notes: A summer themed oneshot to bid the season farewell ^.^ Nothing too deep or drastic here, just some feel goodness Ohmiya fluff. Enjoy!

Goodbye to Century Gothic in my fics, italics aren’t clear enough, and I’m a suuuuucker for them.



Sometimes life doesn’t go according to a plan. Sometimes people just go with the flow, watching as things happen, letting others decide. But frankly, when everything’s going rather smoothly, why even bother?

That’s more or less how Ohno Satoshi has lived so far. Always too passive to take the wheel, he’s spent half of his existence agreeing with what others schemed for him, never brave enough to fight for whatever dream he might have harbored before joining Arashi.

Now that he’s over thirty and is so very aware of his place in the entertainment industry, it’s already too late to change a thing. Not that he’s actually thinking to do so anyway. He takes pride in his work, and has been offered great chances to prove the world that he’s more than a mass-produced idol, for which he feels extremely lucky and grateful. But from time to time... something akin to asphyxia consumes him, and he wishes his path had been other, he wishes he had possessed the backbone to make his own choices and live a more regular life.

That feeling of regret is his major burden, an enemy so tenacious sometimes it just drains all of his spirit. If asked, he would honestly say he loves his job, he really does when it comes to sing and dance at concerts, because he’s always ready to give it all for the fans. It sounds cheesy, topical, but the cheering audience just gives him fuel to go further into what he already considers to be fun. He’s just as proud of the stage plays and doramas he’s acted in, the chance to be another guy for some hours always refreshing, however tiring the production might become.

But being a member of Arashi doesn’t only involve such activities. In fact, most of their time is spent in TV sets, and each day he wonders why he must stay sat for never-ending hours in never-ending recording sessions, why on Earth when it’s so obvious he’s got nothing to add most of the time. He’s a grown man and knows how futile it is to rationalize about something that can’t be changed though, so he settles for staying silent while cameras are rolling, absorbed in his own world where he would silently pray for the other members and staff to let him alone.

His schedule is so packed he doesn’t actually have the time to brood much about it all, but as the sudden flying kick in a Bruce Lee movie, reality strikes back as he returns home. Each night, before going to bed, he stares at his own reflection in the mirror, and each night he cannot see the real Ohno Satoshi anymore, for the face he’s looking at is that of the idol, the guy in CMs, magazine covers, signs around the city, airheaded TV shows. He feels he lost his real identity long ago. And what’s worse, the hollowness impregnating his soul is also starting to show on his face, and for the first time, he really feels like he’s staring into the eyes of an old, unhappy and jaded guy.

He’s a grown man, and knows he’s got to keep on though.

***

Nino couldn’t say he doing any better. That baseball dorama totally wore him out. You couldn’t tell for the way he behaves in front of others, but he’s so spent the sole idea of going through the 15 anniversary hassle in his current shape gives him a inescapable feeling of defeat. Too much work ahead, and so little steam to affront it. He’s afraid of being found blabbing delirious shit and nearly passed out in his hotel room floor by the time Arashi Blast is over. On top of that, his
sciatica got worse lately, the constant, unbreakable schedule not helping a bit.

After all, he’s not twenty anymore, yet his habits stayed just the same as back then. He never gets some decent hours of sleep, he eats so scarcely, and most of it is pure junk, he smokes like a chimney and doesn’t breathe the necessary amount of fresh air any human being would find vital to survive; not even in his free time, when he stays at home till his eyes bleed from playing videogames.

He looks really pale some days, the circles around his eyes a sharp contrast, and the darkening of his gums due to the teeth surgery is starting to worry him - not to the point of considering to quit smoking of course, he’d end up eating his own fingers to fight the anxiety. In the end, there’s days that for all the cute he knows he is, he can’t help but thinking he looks just crappy. Even so, he copes the best he can.

He tries to maintain his snarky self in bangumis, pokes people around or whines like a brat here and there. Yet when he’s alone, dullness sinks in. In those long hours, even days without speaking to anybody, with no one around to distract him from reality, he’s wondered, several times already, if he’s not just a fake.

He spends half of his days pretending to be in a good mood - or annoyed to be more precise, it fits better with his onscreen role - everyday portraying someone strong, someone in control. The other half is consumed loathing himself for how weak he actually is, letting bitterness run free.

Aside from going to work, he hasn’t left his apartment since the dorama shooting ended, an acute feeling of losing the brightness those young boys gave to his boring life digging into his skin, making him feel sort of unwanted. He imagines his co-stars having lots of friends and awesome plans for every damned day, and very aware of how different his social life is, he just stays home, sulking into the infinite and beyond, which figures only turns his mental stability all the more decaying.

In such a situation, it gets more and more complicated to leave his real self behind. Each morning he must fight against an invisible wall, an oppression so vast he almost feels like crying every time he’s forced to fit into the chatty Nino role again. Just like when you’re down but try to smile and pull your shit together, yet a sudden punch of utter sadness strikes back and makes you realize how silly you were for even trying.

Today is one of those challenging days, when he’s doing his best to subdue his growing depression. It’s been so long since all five members went together to have some drinks, but Aiba’s been so insistent about Arashi needing some motivation lately, and he doesn’t dare refuse when everybody else is up to Masaki’s plan, least he confirm the suspicions about Nino having a bad patch. He’s heard those exact words over and over, and the feeling they provoke in him doesn’t get any better each time. That cheerful guy is always covering their backs, and he’s somewhat thankful for it, but he really doesn’t need one of his rainbow colored speeches today. So he decides to play along the let’s be friends game. He’ll just sit there, feigning to enjoy the chit-chat and the pair of beers he’ll forcibly drink, and find his way out as soon as possible.

Ohno’s sitting by his side in the yakiniku bar, and by the look on his face Nino would bet he’s also been compelled to come, but who knows, he always seems to do what others want him to without much fuss. He won’t say a thing and he’s neither paying attention to the conversation, his lost gaze betraying him. He must be in a very faraway world - a much more interesting one Nino would definitely like to be part of. If only he could be as carefree as Leader for only one day...

Out of empathy he’d say, Nino chooses to stay silent for once. After all, he’s not being paid now, so he might as well stop forcing himself if only for some hours. He’s so done of being always aware of the atmosphere, reading everything and everyone in order to snap accordingly as the world expects him to do. He’s not gonna let the others see through his already rotting mask, but he thinks he really deserves to just sit, shut and sulk once in a while, and he hopes a dose of misanthropy might grant him a way to endure the night easier.

It’s going to be pretty difficult, all thanks to the enthusiastic mood the three men sitting across them in the table are showing, who are practically having the time of their lives. J is talking nonstop, being rather loud and making lots of unnecessary gesticulations; Sho finds it absolutely hilarious tough, people kilometers away able to get an earful of his deep laughter. Aiba-chan is the one enjoying this party the most, his shinny chirpiness giving Nino the creeps.

He’s in a very nasty mood today. Period. He knows he’s being an asshole, but he can’t stop. He’s analyzing every little detail, as usual, and he can only find flaws. He wonders if these guys have any real problems at all. He’s seen them exhausted, angry, stressed... but never truthfully worried. Never on a downer, never having something near the trouble he’s bearing nowadays.

He forces down the rest of his beer in a gulp, once again praying for the soiree to be over quickly. He’ll be in front of his TV soon, mercilessly pressing his Playstation controller buttons.

Trying to forget how close to him happiness is.

***

They’ve ordered several rounds by now, and the atmosphere totally changed in the last half hour. Nino got indecently drunk, an image so rare. An image you’d rather not have to see. He’s way passed contempt, speaking arrogantly, using disdainful voices and acting like a total cretin. Sitting next to him, Ohno is also pretty loaded, earnestly laughing at Nino’s display.

Somehow, the world turned over, cause Sho, Jun and Aiba are the silent ones now that Nino became quite the spotlight, the whole bar’s attention on him in seconds. The dead silence is broken by Ohno’s giggles, their usually quiet Leader the only one encouraging Nino’s childish stunt.

“Nino. Get off the desk. Now” Sho commands. The brat plays deaf and continues dancing clumsily, shoes dangerously near their glasses. One of them is knocked over by his right foot, but inevitable as it was it didn’t need to be Jun’s. All over his fancy clothes no less. An impressive step, good enough to be rewarded with the gaze of impending death.

Maybe trying to avoid a naughty fight between Arashi in a public place, or perhaps just sick of dealing with a wasted Ninomiya, Jun stands up and takes his leave, not a single word said. The mood turns a bit bleak, but the clown standing on the desk is affected not. He goes on with his lamentable Arashi choreography parody, all the while slurring something about pretty boys who walk around with an air of snobbish divas so noisily Jun must have heard it on his wake, as well as any other being with ears sitting around.

And that’s it, that’s when Sho’s efforts on being assertive become a grievous and anger leaden tirade. Under virulent threats and hard tugs on his ankles he gets the moron down the desk, and shortly after the four men get off the place, all customers staring in shock. This will definitely hit the news, and for the ones sober enough to be able to weigh the consequences of what just happened, the tense stroll towards the exit is an utter humiliation.

As soon as they’re out, Sho calls for two cabs. When the first arrives he talks directly to Ohno, wasting no time on the plastered man next to him.

“Take him home. We’ll talk about this.”

His tone is fierce, menacing, Ohno thinks, and seemed furious with him too, probably because far from preventing Nino’s shameful show, he did nothing but fuel him all night.

Once in the cab, he tells Nino he’s dragging him home instead, not in the mood to make sure an inebriated band mate goes to bed and then take another cab home. Struggling the growing dizziness, Nino just nods, but there’s no point in it, Ohno’s sure he’d agree with anything proposed right now. He’ll be okay with being sent directly to hell, that’s how smashed he is.

Ohno’s not so sober either, so it really requires a lot of skill to make Nino stand on his feet whilst opening his front door. They trip over the carelessly scattered shoes in the entrance, and Nino chooses that very moment to become beyond nauseated. Ohno hurriedly helps him to the bathroom, both bumping against the corridor walls.

Ohno can hear the massive retching sounds from his bedroom. He thinks about checking on him once he’s finished changing into more comfy clothes, but right after taking his shirt off and sitting down on the bed to stop the room from spinning so wildly, it all fades to black.

***

He wakes in the middle of the night, a notable thirst and a monstrous headache harshly bringing him to reality.

Hangover. Drunk. Arashi. Nino.

Nino.

Nino?

Shit. He must have gotten asleep when Kazu was - is he... is he gone? Oh fuck, hope he got home without trouble. Oh... fuck, Sho’s gonna kill him if something went pear faced.

He heads to the kitchen to have a glass of fresh water seasoned with painkillers when a presence startles him. It’s Nino, sleeping sprawled in his couch. Ow, poor wretch he thinks first - owwww, my bathroom a second later. He surely spilled his guts all over the apartment. The stench will never ever disappear. Bastard.

He takes a peek around, everything seems surprisingly clean as before. He wonders how the guy managed to be so neat, how in such decrepit state. He drinks from the glass, now sat on the armchair near the TV, and notices Nino’s got no blanket. Even during summer, Nino is always cold, more than any guy he’s ever known, maybe due to his skinniness and stuff. He’s such a girl, he jokes inwardly.

He grabs a plaid cotton blanket from a locker and covers the sleeping body with it. Then he sits again, absentmindedly looking at him.

People think he’s totally blank when he spaces out, and sometimes he feels offended by this, cause all of those who tease him couldn’t even begin to imagine how far from the truth that belief is. Because is in those daydreams that he thinks the harder, when he reflects about his life, measures his possibilities, recalls his lost dreams.

The man in front of him looks so peaceful now, free of the somber expression he’s always wearing lately. He won’t dare ask, it’s none of his business, but there’s definitely something wrong with him, and sometimes he doubts he’ll ever see the old Nino again. He cannot put a name on it, but he surely feels it cutting through his chest every time Nino’s eyes are unguarded, a pit of despair showing for a fleeting instant.

He smiles gently, amused by how this Gremlin drops his solid armor when asleep. He’s seen him in those tacky magazine photo shots, faking the kawaii sleeping act, the trained pose  to be further decaffeinated though Photoshop. Well, all of that is horse’s shit compared with this mundane and far more imperfect Nino. He’s not as immaculate as the photographers make him appear, not with his mouth a bit slack and arms gracelessly twisted beneath his chest. He left a stain of drool on the cushion and his hair is badly disarrayed, the dark and disheveled locks covering his eyes.

Yet, he’s mesmerizing.

He’s always thought so, at least when it comes to his appearance. But lately, his fixation got worse, maybe because Nino looks all the more frail these days, giving him some sort of tortured aura beauty. Don’t get it wrong, he’s not in love with him, he doesn’t seek any of that. Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact of him being into art - he’d call it a platonic fixation, Nino being a work mate who happens to be an aesthetic type of muse to him. Something so near, so beautiful, yet not suited for him.

He guesses it’s better that way, and he’s never dug into this attraction too far, never had fantasies of any kind regarding Nino. There’s no drive in him for that. He’s intrigued by his looks, not his dick.

He moves the offending locks off the delicate face and heads to bed again. Ohno doesn’t catch sleep easily though, his mind still stuck in the issue.

***

The smell of food reaches Ohno’s nostrils next morning. His mind focuses seconds later, and tries to recapitulate once again. Faint headache, aspirin, couch... Nino. He follows the heavenly smell of toasts till he’s in the kitchen, to discover Nino in an apron, breakfast for both already set in the tiny kitchen desk. He blinks repeatedly, in part trying to adjust his sore eyes to the blazing sun light that spreads through the house, but mostly because he’s not catching up.

Nino, in an apron, in his kitchen, on a beautiful morning, making breakfast for him.

This must be a joke. Nino is by no means such a nice guy.

“Leader helped me last night. So.” That’s the only explanation, muttered with his back turned to his host.

He’s probably feeling a bit embarrassed, and since Ohno is far from being put off by the delicious treat, he stops wondering about Nino’s odd behavior any further and instead, he proceeds to savagely munch everything Nino’s cooked. He sure is capable of being grateful when food is involved, so he does what he knows best – gulp down.

They eat in silence, and once they’re done tiding up the kitchen, Nino gets ready to head back home.

“You’re leaving?” Ohno says, unable to hide his surprise.

“It’s your fee day right? Surely wanna go fishing or something.”

“You’re free too. Why don’t you stay around?”

“Fishing? No thank you.”

“No... we can- we can do whatever you like.” He seems genuinely keen on convincing Nino.

“Always the same.” He addresses his answer with an annoyed sigh. He’s so tired of Ohno’s indifferent attitude, and takes advantage of his docile personality to act a bit cruel.

“Don’t you get bored of going along with other people’s wishes?” He knows he’s being too aggressive all of a sudden, but doesn’t stop the bitter words. “Nah, you just don’t give a shit right?”

“…Well, I made it quite clear I’d rather spend this day with you. Don’t scold me for trying to reach the moon.” He seems defensive, even a bit offended.

Nino’s got no cynic answer for that. So he just shrugs, a silent agreement to Ohno’s request. Maybe to his statement too. He acts as if he were untouchable at times, but he – Ohno just couldn’t understand. He’s got much to protect, much to hide.

They go to a nearby grocery store to buy their meal, it was already noon by the time Ohno woke up, but he’s likely to be hungry again soon. He’ll be the one preparing lunch, and he buys all the necessary ingredients to cook the yummiest hamburgers ever eaten.

It’s a pleasurable sight, to watch the eats-less-than-a-bird Nino enjoying the meal to his fullest. Ketchup and oil from the crispy bacon trail down his wrists, he’s being a total pig today, but Ohno figures it is just the hangover doing the miracle. If he can still feel a faint headache even after having the pills, this guy must have a whole heavy industry factory hammering inside his skull. He offers him the same medicine once Nino has finished cleaning the mess covering his hands.

They both head to watch some TV afterwards, but Ohno gets asleep as soon as he touches the couch. He’s barely slept the previous night. Nothing piques Nino’s interest in this time slot, so he rummages in yesterday’s clothes to grab his DS.

He’s wearing some borrowed t-shirt and shorts Ohno lent him, the shower he took after he decided to stay really improving his beaten body’s condition. But these clothes indeed... he’s never seen Ohno in them, yet they actually smell like his scent and they’re so Ninomiya-like it's deviously comic, for he pictures Leader cosplaying as bangumi Nino guarded by the intimacy these walls provide him.

Forty minutes into an intense RPG session and the battery goes dead. He sighs, irked, now debating with himself whether to wake Ohno or simply go home. He takes a glance at the sleeping man whose head is now resting near his thigh. He knows it’s kind of mean of him, because this old man likes to have really long naps, but he can’t help poking the guy awake.

To watch Ohno opening his eyes reluctantly, slurring incoherent words while frowning slightly is always an endearing experience. You don’t know whether to hug the man or laugh your ass off at him. Nino just stares with a fond smile, coaxing the dozing man into awareness by shaking his shoulder affectionately. He’s a touchy perdon, he loves to touch indeed, but he’s got to admit there’s a weakness for Ohno in him.

It might be because Leader never seems to mind it, and that led him to choose him as the number one victim of his attentions. But nevertheless, that doesn’t fully explain why he feels so at ease when physically connected to him. Nino has noticed how he would seek his skin subconsciously, getting closer to him inch by inch, leaning his forearm on the short mans shoulder, maybe trying to become infected with Ohno’s calm mindset. It’s quite risible, how he wishes to share his life with someone like him someday, someone who became a pillar he could rely on, someone who would reassure him no matter the situation..

They could live like this, sharing apartment and comforting each other, till they became old farts who would end up arguing about everything and nothing. He smiles to himself while petting Ohno’s rich strands. He uses no hair wax when he’s not working, and although this makes him look half as stylish, Nino definitely prefers his hair like it is now, much more soft and pleasant to the touch.

Scarcely does he indulge in such an intimate connection with other human. His life is void of love, affection or joy nowadays. And suddenly he ponders if Ohno is actually the only light in it.

But he’s no fool, and he is not going to invest time and hope in their relationship just to be passively shunned in return. Leader is a free soul, someone who won’t have anyone’s needs pushed upon him. It’s rare enough that he asked for his company today, he’s not going to ruin it by showing how needed of a meaningful support he is in this moment of his life.

“Come on, ojisan, I’m getting rather bored here.”

Ohno is finally sort of awake, he scratches his blurry eyes clumsily and goes have a pee as soon as he stands up. He looks at the mirror whilst washing his hands, and for the first time in months he doesn’t avert his eyes, for he sees the worn Satoshi no more. He returns to the couch with a lazy grin plastered on his face - his seemingly refurbished face.

“You’re up for a little trip then?”

“Trip? Like going out? We’re fine here... we could watch a film or-”

“Nino. A bit of fresh air won’t harm you. Vampire.”

Nino’s expression goes a bit sour, uneasy, abashed. He doesn’t like to be reminded of how unhealthy his lifestyle seems to others, of his tendency to hide from the world and how this might affect his appearance. It’s probably all a product of his pessimist mind, but sometimes he feels as if people were staring to a sick rat when their eyes land on him.

Ohno doesn’t know any of this though, and he pays no attention to Nino’s bothered features.

“Besides, you’ll like it. Promise.” He’s speaking honestly, warmly now, and Nino finds no credible excuse to turn the proposal down. Wasn’t this what he had wished for? Friends with majestic plans to share with him? Then why is it so difficult for him to be just glad and leave his lethargic mood aside?

They’re sitting on a Tōkaidō Main Line train shortly after, and even if they’re not sharing their thoughts, there’s no trace of awkwardness or boredom in the 45 minute run; Nino lost in his contradictive thoughts, his gaze vaguely registering the maze of buildings and electric power cables crowding the landscape. Ohno is half dozing against his side, and he’s forced to shake him awake again, feigning some exasperation in the process.

“Oi ojisan... you’re the one who knows where we’re going. Don’t wanna miss our station and be left travelling around all day.”

Ohno just grins stupidly and tries his best not to surrender to sleepiness till they finally reach their destination.

***

It should be a joke, but it isn’t. This was it. Ohno had dragged him to a modern art gallery, and really, he can’t believe his eyes.

Couldn’t he have come alone? He feels a tiny bit relieved when being invited to the rather expensive tickets, even so, he still contemplates going back to the station and leaving the man in the lurch.

His apathetic demeanor changes completely after entering the temporary exhibition placed on the second floor of the building, where the main sign reads 35 Years of Pixel and Color, the Aesthetic Path of Video Games. He can’t believe how mad he was with Ohno just moments ago, he should have some faith in their supposed leader now and then.

Overall, the visit turns out to be not bad at all. He couldn’t appreciate the technique or materials used or understand the meaning behind most of the works even if he tried to, but Ohno is doing a very good job at preventing his remarks from getting too pedantic, and Nino can relate to the images easily enough, for this is the imagery he’s grown up with. 8 bit spaceships, Tetris pieces, 1up Kinokos, Pokemon balls and Chun-Lis fill the walls, and he is so flattered that Ohno chose this place thinking of him. He tries to refrain from showing any excitement, damn his propensity for aloofness, but he can barely contain himself when presented with one of the most iconic objects of his childhood.

They have just entered a corner reserved for actual vintage gaming devices and cartridges, and there, encased in a glass showcase with some other gadgets, stands a Zelda Game&Watch system. His eyes widen visibly, so shocked he can’t hide the apprehension. He gets so emotional his eyelashes even water for a second, and when Ohno looks at him, worry written in his features, Nino reckons there shouldn’t be great damage in entrusting Ohno with the old Zelda game story.

He tells him he had owned one like that when he was on elementary, and how he had enjoyed it to his fullest till the day those shitbags stole it from his hands. He never saw it again, but the saddest part of the story came later, when he decided he’d rather bear with his mother’s tantrum after telling her he had lost the device, too proud to admit he was being bullied at school.

Ohno had heard about it several times, when Nino would tell the random interviewers he had no friends before joining JE. It always struck him as bizarre, and had even doubted those statements to be true at times, because Nino wasn’t the type of guy he’d consider to be easily bullied. He was usually the one to fuck with other’s minds instead.

He had no reason to continue thinking so any longer, not judging by Nino’s reaction to the object and his sincere words, all of which didn’t keep him from wondering why would anyone push him around in the first place... there must have been a time when he wasn’t as confident as he is nowadays. Or as he seems to be.

They make a short stop at the gallery store before leaving, and Ohno buys Nino a 25th anniversary keychain replica of the Zelda handheld they saw before. The brat is now beaming, for he really feels like a spoiled child, and on their way to the station he wonders if there could be some way he could return Ohno’s favors.

***

They’re riding the same railway line again, this time their destination unknown to the older man. Nino is not fond of going out, and his inexperience becomes obvious when it comes to think of interesting places to visit, but once they reach Chigasaki he can’t refrain from feeling triumphant at Ohno’s undeniable glee. He’s carried the old man to the beach, where he can smell and behold his beloved sea.

“So we’re going fishing after all.”

“Don’t push your luck, tuna ojisan.”

Ohno laughs soundly, the cheerful melody ringing gracefully in Nino’s ears. Ironic, but he feels younger every time this guy calls him an old man, because now, today, he definitely feels that words aren’t true.

It is dusk already, and they’re walking down a promenade near the beach. While Ohno enjoys his delicious share of ice cream, they watch as children hopelessly try catching tiny crabs on the shore rocks and people fly colorful kites, others lying peacefully in the sand, making the most of the last traces of light.

But in the same way the sun is dying in the sky, their day together will soon be over too. Leaning over the wooden fence, they admire how the scenery slowly turns darker.

Both glow in orange, the unearthly light also bathing the faint sea waves that crash against the shore. The soothing sound of the stream, going and back and forth in a hypnotizing cadence, blends with the distant voices coming from the beach; people already gathering up their belongings to return home. It’s all so calm, yet it speaks of closure, of decay, and both of them wonder silently if they’ll be offered with such a momentum any time soon.



Chigasaki
The time to go home eventually comes though, and they head to the train station for the last time, where they will part to take different lines.

Nino is taking his Suica card out of the wallet when Ohno speaks his mind.

“Why don’t you come have dinner at my place?”

Nino stops any movement.

“Your house is pretty far huh? ... And... and I bet even a skinny boy like you is hungry by now” he says in a joking tone, aware the suggestion seemed strange to Nino and trying to alleviate the awkward moment. He really wants to spend some more time with him, but doesn’t wanna appear desperate to.

As good as their relationship might be, Arashi always tried to maintain a somewhat non-band private life, and hence tended not to spend much time in the other member’s company in their off days. That had been the usual pattern between Ohno and him at least. And yet, here he was, the same Riida who would always decline his invitation for a drink after work asking him none than twice in a day to stay around. Uncanny. Weird. Worrisome.

Maybe Ohno had something important to say? Something he had been dragging out all day, unable to spit it out? Some big... perhaps some bad news? Is he having second thoughts about Arashi again? He doesn’t look particularly passionate about work lately. Is he leaving them behind to settle in a small fishing village maybe? Is he getting married to a black woman and parting to his beloved America? Or... God forbid, is he dangerously sick? A blind man could see how thin he had gotten.

Many stupid ideas crossed Nino’s mind, each of them more hilarious and unlikely, but meanwhile Ohno was still waiting for a response, his shoulders even more hunched than usual, probably because he was under the impression that the stretched silence indicated he had asked too much of the ever detached Nino.

“I thought... since shooting won’t start till tomorrow afternoon, that you could... b-but neverm-”

“Fine.” Nino says the word with a resolute voice, coating it with a nonchalant tone, trying to erase the insecurity from Ohno. He’s trying not to make a big deal out of this - even when it’s big deal for him.

How come Ohno’s turned exactly into what he wished for, in only a few hours? He starts getting irritated at the importance he’s giving to all of this, at the delusion he’s creating. Tomorrow things will be the same as ever, he repeats like a mantra, they’ll be just acquaintances again, that kind of friends who never do a thing together. His usual fatalistic chant takes control, a last attempt to escape from the disappointment that will surely wash over him sooner than later.

They grab a pair of bentos at a konbini and eat them while watching VS Arashi. Nino always watches it at home. Alone. It’s much more amusing to have someone by his side, because he finds out he’s not as critical with the show, and especially about his performance in it, so he can enjoy the bangumi as if he were just a regular viewer.

They won, again. Nino smirks in his typical cocky fashion, and leaves the couch to throw away what neither him nor Ohno ate from his share when the other’s words reach his ears.

“You can use the shower first.”

His eyes go wide.

They have not talked about him sleeping here. But frankly, the idea had danced around his thoughts too. He really shouldn’t, but he holds onto the last drop of this utopian day anyway. So he just nods and goes to rinse the sweat of such a hot, humid and exhausting day as if it were the normal thing to do, as if he cared not about Ohno asking him to stay, again.

The warm water eases his tired back, his mind lost in speculations about the other man’s unusual attitude when the door to the bathroom suddenly opens.

It’s Ohno, of course, or Ohno’s arm his racing mind corrects. There’s no need to be startled, he’s just leaving some clean clothes for him over the sink, and he inwardly kicks himself for reacting like a shy schoolgirl and hastily hiding his front from the intruder.

Come on, As if Leader hadn’t seen him naked before.

Already showered, he starts getting comfortable in the couch, pulling the blanket over his refreshed body once he’s lying. Ohno emerges from his room, a comic frown forming in his brows.

“Don’t be stupid. Lay in bed, you’ll only end up hurting your back further sleeping there again.”

“Oh-chan’s being saucy?”

It’s the only lame thing Nino comes up with, after some good seconds of paralyzing bewilderment. Thank God Ohno can’t see his face now, cause it went from stupefied to furiously flushed in half a second, the thought of sharing a bed with him suddenly too much to handle. He doesn’t recognize the disturbing reactions he’s having today, and doesn’t fancy them one bit.

He’s slept by his side countless times before, yet it seems different tonight, his brain becoming tortured after all day focused on deciphering this new Ohno. He’s slowly but relentlessly getting closer, and somehow, he’s totally allowing it.

Craving it.

He wants to add some pun to his previous words, just to be sure Ohno doesn’t get the idea that he’s put off by the offer, but he’s gone by the time Nino opens his mouth, the water already running in the shower.

If he just knew Ohno has sort of ran way - not even wanting to affront Nino’s crude answer to his advice.

Ashamed to no end, he takes a quick shower, rather nervous about what Nino will do about his advice. He comes out, expecting to find Nino on the couch, a condescending look on his face. But surprise, the living room is empty and the light has been switched off, only shadows casting over the furniture, the source seemingly being the faint light of his bedside lamp.

His heart goes wild, his body rigid. It makes no sense, but he’s kind of afraid.

He follows the yellowish glow to his bedroom, to find a soft bulge under his blue comforter. He won’t dare look at Nino once he’s crossed the threshold, cause shit, he took no clothes to change and doesn’t even want to know if Nino’s staring at his rear when the towel comes down his hips. He dresses quickly, trying to clear his mind from inadequate images, but somehow, even if he doesn’t have proof of it, he feels the other’s eyes bearing into his tanned skin. It’s unnerving, distracting… inciting.

When he turns around he can only see Nino’s nape though, and he climbs into bed with extreme care, figuring the frail man must be asleep by now, the long day taking its toll on his weakened body.

***

Ohno wakes shortly after having started to doze out, the room pitch back. This time he does not need to recapitulate in order to grasp the situation, and not only due to having no trace of alcohol in his system. Tonight he’s neither afraid of Nino having fled away, on the contrary, he’s aware of him being near, so near he can even feel his breath, for Nino’s advances were what woke him in the first place.

The warm expiration ghosts over his face, just so softly, untill hesitant lips are planted on the seam of his mouth. Ohno continues lying still, even though the gesture electrified the last tip of his hair.

He’s dying to react somehow, anyhow, but he finds his body rooted to the spot, leaden and strained by the pure shock of what just happened.

He thinks about following Nino’s retreating form, but he’s unsure, scared, terrified to do so. What if Nino doesn’t want him to? What if this is Nino’s secret, and acting on it he ruins everything?

Ow, fuck it.

His head snaps to look at the man beside him, his hand fast to grab the other’s wrist. Now it’s Nino the one who’s petrified, and he makes a little noise, a whine that Ohno would translate as absolute dread. Nino starts to tremble under his touch, and for a brief moment he regrets having responded, having moved at all. He wishes he had tried to convince himself this whole thing was just a very vivid and inappropriate dream.

But he’s already stepped forward, and really, there would be no point in denying what is so painfully evident.

They want this... they both want this right? It might be the worst idea, something not meant to happen, something they’ll be forced to bear forever, an ugly and remorseful sentiment attached to it. But they’re in the open now, and it would be ridiculous to draw back.

He closes the distance between them, warily, because Nino’s body is becoming extremely tensed under the pressure, and aware the poor guy might be still mortified of being found out by someone who might or might not be interested in his bold move, he gets closer and whispers into the frightened man’s earlobe.

“I refused to think this way about you long ago... I’m not stopping now.”

Nino relaxes if only for a bit, mainly out of surprise that Ohno’s words came out rather softly. He must have thought he was going to shun him, even threat him least he ever dare to do something like that again. Wanting to prove how wrong he was about his intentions, he takes advantage of Nino’s confusion to duck his head above the other’s shoulder and nip at his neck, leaving a wet trail in the velvet skin. Nino mouths his dismay instantly, delivering a high pitched moan that erases all of Ohno’s worries, all his nervousness, his hesitation disappearing and a pulsing heat taking control.

He’s on top of the slender, warm and soft body in a heap, rutting against it in a drunken delirium, for it feels like sweet doom; Nino’s limbs moving sensually, opening up like a shy cat for him, and his unstoppable arousal voiced constantly, delicate sounds escaping his mouth without restrain.

They rush to completion, covered in darkness, only breaths and whispers telling who they are grinding with. Nino comes in panted breaths, and he sounds like crying while Ohno’s words encourage his release, the hot mouth marking the pale throat, the discordant whimpers vibrating under his tongue. Ohno’s voice breaks seconds later, his hips pushing forcefully and a hoarse groan echoing in the room before his seed spreads over their already stained pajamas.

Already disentangled, they try to regain their breaths, their capability to think, maybe part of their dignity too. They’re lying face up, bodies not touching at all.

No one must know about this.

Even so... it will happen again.

It’s wrong, it’s forbidden, it’s dangerous. But this won’t be the last time. Because even with the risk it supposes to their careers, and how keeping such a secret might affect their sanity, it should happen again. As many times as necessary as long as it makes them feel so unburdened, so needed, so bonded as they felt today.

Shifting in the dark, Ohno searches for Nino’s hand, and when he holds it, the younger man exhales relieved.

They don’t need to voice those thoughts, that conviction, because the emotion dwelling in the intertwined hands is explanation enough.


The end.



Note ^.^ The draft for this story was written long ago, I would never have thought Nino would actually have such a hard time in Hawaii. Poor lil cute Gremlin, hope he’s never put under such strain again, it *hurts* in the kokoro ne?

Date: 2014-09-27 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-lil.livejournal.com
Beautiful <3

Date: 2014-09-29 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Thanks so much!

I'm a fan of your works you know, so it really makes me glad that you got to read this ^.^

Bye~

Date: 2014-09-27 06:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilisan31.livejournal.com
Oh... I lost my words.. xD
It's so intense ! I want to comfort them *3*
At the beginning I was worried because Ohchan said he didn't watch Nino as a lover.. ;__;
But deep inside their soul.. They know ! And that's why it's happened.. The execution of the border-line, the only one of we can't return back.
I wonder just.. Why now ? It's because after their 15th birthday they finally can't keep their feelings longer, especially after their achievement of them and the good way of it ?
Humm.. So no matter because they're finally together right ?!
You the creepy girl ! When I've seen "Romance", I was happy but in a way It's like I have a bitter flavor.. xD
Thanks for sharing !!
XOXO

Ps : Your draw is wonderful, I'm in love with your clouds.. Yes.. Only your clouds xP
As the magic cloud in DBZ.
(No really it is very pretty ! I wonder with what you drawing ? Paint ? Pastel ? Colored pencil ?)

Date: 2014-09-29 05:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Oh, dear, you ask why?

I didn't think about it till now, but I guess the answer is just "there's no reason". And I like it, since that was somehow the key to their story, it never happened before because they hadn't given it a chance. That's why their thoughts about the other are so blah at the beginning, they hadn't even considered it till now. But hey, they fit so good together right?

Okay... I'll draw more Kinton some day, just for you!! This drawing was made with watercolor pencils... but the ones for Hushed were done with Copic ;)

Kisses yuri-chan!!

Date: 2014-09-30 11:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilisan31.livejournal.com
Haha yes.. Seen as that's is understandable ! Because since the beginning nothing was understandable, right ? ^^
But no matter how or why, because you finally make them together ;o; Congrats !!

Really ?! So I wait for it ! :D
Arg I wonder how you can draw so good just with pencils .. Shadows, variations, contrasts.. Gosh !
I hate you Sunny :P

Date: 2014-09-27 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chibipinkpetals.livejournal.com
Thanks so much for sharing.

I find the idea that they are both so jaded and just tired of losing themselves very intriguing and true, (hopefully not).

It makes me glad to know that they can understand eachother without openly saying it. =3

Date: 2014-09-29 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Yeah, I also hope it's not true... yet, especially Nino looks a bit out lately... like he's in bad shape or something. Poor thing.

Thanks so much for your comment cutie!

Date: 2014-09-27 08:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] atenea005.livejournal.com
It's great!!:)

Date: 2014-09-29 05:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Haha, gracias guapa ^.^

Date: 2014-09-27 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yoshiblack16.livejournal.com
This was lovely :)

Thanks for sharing~

Date: 2014-09-29 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Thanks to you for reading, so glad that you liked it ^.^

See ya~
Edited Date: 2014-09-29 05:26 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-09-28 06:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saobang2211.livejournal.com
ah <3 love your fanart :D still read it <3

Date: 2014-09-29 05:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Thank you sweetie! I hope you liked the story as well.

Yours is on the way~ :D

Date: 2014-09-29 03:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gambitsfox.livejournal.com
Wow, I thought they would never get together. Very angsty! I still think you could go on with this story....I hated for it to end. I know they feel the same but I love first times and after that quick pairing they must be a bit confused because neither thought they were gay. Really was a beautiful story. : )

Date: 2014-09-29 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Hahaha, I like those yes-no-yesyes-no----finallyYES stories the most, so torturing!

I was also thinking about continuing it, but not for now... maybe as a four season thingy? Next on fall (soon then!).

Thanks so much for your support, see ya!

Date: 2015-01-23 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] naoki-hikari.livejournal.com
Like it!
The half of the beginning looked so bleak and morose like. What with Nino depressed. I get that one very much. I mean Nino looked tired and much stressed than the old days of Arashi. He kinda looked bitter too in some shota of camera.
Is it probably because I compare it to old days where Ohno and Nino touch each other freely. Now I felt they are apart and not as close as years ago.
I find your fic can be very believable actually. Like it can be a matter of fact. *sad*

Date: 2015-01-24 12:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Yeah... you're right ne? They've grown up and stuff, and we really can't expect them to behave like silly teens anymore... But there's days when I wonder if these people, and specially Nino, are happy at all. He seems faded most of the time.

I think it would do them good to try something new, isn't Nino always talking about how he always spends his free days alone? He says it nonchalantly, as if he cares not. I believe him, but I do also think it's sad. He just doesn't expect much of life.

They don't need to end the day making out like in this fic, but as for Ohmiya, sharing some of their off-work time could be beneficial, because at least this is true, Nino is never bored when Ohno's by his side.

Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment sweetie, see ya : )

Date: 2015-02-03 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] datz-20.livejournal.com
So beautiful...and the pic also...thank you

Date: 2015-02-09 09:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Thanks so much!

See ya cutie ^.^

Date: 2015-02-05 08:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wjktl.livejournal.com
I love it!!! Damn love it!!!

Date: 2015-02-09 09:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
Hahahahaha ^o^

Thank youuuuu ; )

Date: 2016-08-31 10:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaoilicious-53.livejournal.com
Thank you for this ;_; ♡
I enjoyed reading it so much!

Date: 2016-09-07 11:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 801rabu.livejournal.com
You're welcome sweetie!
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